Advice from Monday's Biggest Adversary

I am absolutely certain that I am not alone in saying that I have an obscene amount of work to do this week. Sunday nights are infamous for worldwide agreement on one thing: "I'd just rather not do this work week." Notice that I snuck in the word "work." I think it's fair to assume those flying to tropical paradise for a week Monday morning aren't dreading the impending five sunrises. The rest of us, however, can sleep well knowing that Monday morning will take part of our soul with it, not necessarily a crucial one, but a part of our damn damned soul nonetheless. There are certain coping mechanisms I suggest individuals employ to combat Monday through Friday. 

1. On Sunday afternoon, take a trip to the liquor store and just buy everything. I mean stock up as if you're P Diddy's white party planner buying alcohol for the infamous annual soirèe--AKA get all the Dom. Okay, no don't do that. You'll have blown your takeout budget and will have to tear apart your couch looking for spare change, when, at 7:00 pm, you are inevitably stripped of what little vigor with which you began the day, and the stove is your most formidable enemy. Do, however, treat yourself to a well-deserved glass of wine--no restrictions as to the size of said glass goblet. 

2. Plan Monday's outfit on Sunday night. I promise that on Monday morning you'll be overjoyed with your new found sense of preparedness, and for the love of God, make your sartorial choices interesting. Feeling good in your outfit makes the whole day better, or so I'm told. I wouldn't know as I have never worn anything other than sheer sartorial perfection. 

3. Wake up early, so you have time to get the best cup of coffee possible. You and I are both fully aware that your Keurig's brewing capabilities are not equivalent to those of a certified barista. I have no opinion regarding the machine and/or individual from which/whom you obtain your second, third, fourth, or fifth cups. 

4. Update your playlist Sunday night with one or two new additions. If you commute to work, listening to different music is refreshing--new week, new music. 

5. Just hope that you make it to Friday with the your life in relatively the same state it was at the beginning of the week. Unless of course, you were promoted or won the lottery, both of which undoubtedly will not happen to me. 

There is a shining light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not St. Peter's foglight at the pearly gates of heaven *crosses stubby fingers and knocks on nearest wooden object*. It is, however, the fluorescent light coming from your friends and your favorite bar's sign. 

(Quite literally) Cheers, 

Jack 

The Internet Is More Dangerous Than We Thought

I graduated from elementary school six years ago this year, and I distinctly remember the cyber bully presentation, with which every middle school student is altogether too familiar. During the beginning of the adolescent transition into the mystifying world we know as the Internet, young people are given the spiel from the overzealous Internet cop about the perils the Internet harbors. Chat rooms, emails, MySpace, and Facebook were forces to be reckoned with. My very presence in a chat room and my picture on MySpace or Facebook put me in grave danger, from which I would, inevitably, either: a) be kidnapped, b) be insulted, c) die, or d) all of the above.

            To make matters worse, I was not only vulnerable to online rapists, but, more often than not, the bulk of my World Wide Web problems could manifest themselves in the form of online interactions with my peers. Apparently, old-fashioned insults and bullying were so last century. The twenty-first, however, is responsible for making cyberbullying vogue. Frequently, the bullying is delivered anonymously. What happened to courageous blacktop recess tyrants you might ask? Apparently, they were left in the nineties next to velour tracksuits and replaced with egocentric tweens whose weapons of choice happen to be a keyboard and a mouse.

            As social media plays an increasingly major role in our lives, we are forced to take a closer look at cyberbullying. Does cyberbullying have to be deliberate? Does it even have to be direct? Is it possible that social media is the most taxing force on our self-esteem? Take a moment to really think (and let’s be honest with ourselves, folks) about how frequently we use our cell phones, the rascal behind wasted time, to scroll through Facebook, Twitter, and, my kryptonite, Instagram. We literally spend hours a day on our phones, primarily peering through narrow, filtered windows into the lives of our peers and people we do not actually know personally, yet have deemed cool or hip because of their impeccable follower-to-following ratio and their use of the Lo-fi filter.

            The problem with social media is that we only see what the producer wants us to see. That is the perfect, heavily filtered and processed photo of his/her friends and he/she, the flawless selfie, or the plate of forty-two dollar fettuccini alfredo from that new five star restaurant, at which we have been dying to dine. Fortunately for both the producer and us, we do not see the photo of he/she devouring a corn dog on a blistering day in July all while accumulating a fairly thick ring of sweat around his/her muffin top. God bless free will.

This Christmas break, I lost count of how many times I stumbled across a picture of tan legs posed on a lounge chair overlooking a Caribbean body of water. Whether we consciously or subconsciously know it, Instagram and Facebook breed jealousy. We all wish we were straddling a lounge chair, sipping a piña colada, and being fanned by a hot beach worker. The question is does that jealousy deplete self-esteem, which in turn knocks over dominoes until we find ourselves in a state of depression, or does it incline us to retaliate by posting our own photographs to compete? Neither result is especially heartwarming. Whether we care to admit it, social media is responsible for pangs of jealousy. It forms a direct link into the lives of others, which we compare to our own. Ranking things is basic human nature, and as such, it is inevitable that it will occur. If our situation does not meet our expectations, but other people’s do, we hold ourselves responsible. Is it totally inappropriate to call this a form of cyber bullying? While it is not deliberate, it is harmful to many teenagers. It creates insecurity and fosters an unhealthy competitive nature.  

There is little we can do to resolve the problem because they usually are not deliberate attacks. However, the idea that our “innocent” posts can negatively impact people does provoke some serious personal contemplation. Do my social media accounts accurately portray who I am? Am I posting something to make others jealous or because I want my family and friends to see a cute picture of me on a beach? What are my motives behind my social media? If you can honestly say you only post as a means to connect with family and friends, kudos to you. For the rest of us, we need to reevaluate what is truly important in life, and where and when our values strayed from what we actually believe in our hearts. In the end, all that matters is that we made a lasting impression on those with whom we came into contact, not how many likes we got on that picture of a strawberry mojito with a twist. Although, it did get 142 likes. So, beat that. 

Cheers, 

Jack 

I'm Back...

"It's not you.... it's me," he always says. "I need to work on myself, I'm not worthy of you. I'm broken." Something along those lines has been paraphrased by a major portion of the dating pool since the tradition of courting aged out. Last year, I found myself echoing the very sentences I just quoted. The difference between my break up and yours, you ask? Mine was with my blog, and what a devastating break up it was.

Well, I worked on myself. I had a year to self-reflect, and I came to the conclusion that I am now ready to once again begin writing on this public platform for whomever may read it. And the truth is when I think about why I even stopped writing and posting on The Hamptonite, I struggle to think of an answer. I like to tell myself that school and classes got in the way. I hate to think that it was because of my incredibly active social life due to my immense popularity and general admiration by all with whom I come into contact, but I'm fairly certain I can cross that one off the list with a bedazzled quill--because to do so without would be pointless. In reality, I think I stopped writing because I got lazy, which is as relatable as relatable gets but also inexcusable. This was my outlet, a sort of therapy, and I'm pretty sure my quality of life (which, despite what society accepts as the definition, I equate quality of life with my degree of happiness) decreased drastically. So, in the spirit of self-prescribed verbal therapy, let's get back together again. Doesn't everyone just love a good reunion?

Cheers, 

Jack

Gifts for Him

As promised, here are some of my ideas for gifts for a guy this Christmas. I forgot to put numbers in la collage, so forgive & forget and just bear with me? Thanks.

1. Polaroid Instant Camera: I had two Amazon gift cards in September so I bought myself one and some extra film. As a college student, there is nothing better than pretending to be super hipster with polaroid pictures.

2. The New York Times 36 Hours in Europe: I really want this book. It gives you the best plans for a weekend in Europe.

3. J. Crew Waffle Sweater: This is probably the most comfortable sweater in the entire world. It's a wool-cashmere blend, which is super warm for the upcoming months.

4. Cashmere Throw Blanket: They only sound unnecessary to people who don't have them let me tell you.

5. Humans of New York Book: So, this book is probably the coolest coffee table book in the entire world, and the guy you give it to will actually look through it. Unfortunately, it's completely sold out online, so I don't know what I can do for you about that. But I thought you should know.

6. iPad Mini: I really want one. I have an iPad now, but it's just too big. I don't even use it, but I feel like I would use this one?

7. Oral B Electric Toothbrush: You'll probably have to be close to whomever you gift this. It could definitely come off wrong, but who doesn't love clean teeth?

8. J. Crew Polka Dot Socks: They don't necessarily have to be these ones, but socks are probably the best accessory to play around with. And polka dots, well why not?

9. How to Be A Man by Glenn O'Brien: If anybody reads GQ, you have probably heard of The Style Guy. You already know Glenn O'Brien then. He's one of my favorite writers, and he has one of the best senses of style ever. period.

10. J. Crew Bottoms Up Flask: I bought this for one of my friends on Black Friday. Flasks make an awesome gift because they're so classy and timeless.

11. Frends Headphones: The most stylish headphones on the face of the planet.

12. Bacon of the Month Club: I think you can figure out why this is on the list. Am I right?